everyone has their own coping mechanisms. Most of the time I cope okay running the household, a business and the two kids.
By coping, I mean online shopping or even grocery shopping. OMG. Grocery shopping has become the highlight of the week for me. Never thought I would be so happy to go out and buy yoghurt.
But the past week, emotions and ‘work’ had been building up. I felt overwhelmed. Most times, I could just quell it by just having some order in my life (i.e., housework). When things look good, I actually feel better. But when it sorta balloons up, it starts to get bad.
It didn’t help that..
I felt bad farming the kids out on weekends: Ollie goes to with my in-laws on Saturday, followed by a stay-over at my mom’s. So we pretty much don’t see him over the weekend.
I felt bad running a business and occasionally ignoring the kids whilst I answer queries over the phone or emails. It’s really bad workaholic habit. I feel the need to respond each time I see an email or msg.
The house looks like a tornado has gone through. Toys. OMFG. I end up with the mentality..why get them to pick it up when it is just going to get strewn everywhere again?
Business needs. So much administrative work, liasing with vendors, deadlines. My planner is my saver. But I still need to slot everything in between even with the kids. I actually need a timetable to make sure I am spending enough time with the kids.
Over the National Day long weekend, Donald and I caught up with each other over dinner. Just two of us. It was awesome. Being husband and wife with two kids, can get hectic and we may forget about each other. We are still affectionate towards each other, but now that we have been together for so long, we don’t mince our words and may unintentionally hurt each other. We caught up about what we would love to change at this point of our lives.
And I told him that I wanted to change the amount of time I spent on my phone and focus more on the kids and our family. Emails and queries may just have to wait. He wholeheartedly agreed haha. And I’ve been trying for the past couple of days.
And it makes a difference. Such a huge difference.
Earlier this week, Ollie’s teacher spoke with me after school, saying that Ollie was a little more disruptive as usual. As his main caregiver, it is hard not to take it personally. I felt that I was not doing enough to curb Ollie’s over-enthusiasm. Don’t get me wrong, Ollie has a really good pre-school teacher who has his interest at heart. She has been working closely with me to help Ollie in school cos he is ahead of his class. She understands that in order to cater to the rest of the students, Ollie may get bored in class. So she has gone beyond her call of duty and found other activities that may interest him and not curb his love for learning.
But yes, to a certain extent, I felt I failed somewhere where it comes to Ollie’s discipline.
I spent the next couple of mornings with them, doing activities. Like a sensory bowl of pasta, scooping, counting, making sounds with it. He was a lot more compliant to go to school and according to his teacher, he was calmer. Active, but calmer.
And I could see it in him. He loved that I was involved in the activities he was doing. I watched as he got even more involved with QT. He nagged QT in his own NST way, haha. It was hilarious. But there was a change. A difference. He was less angry. There were tantrums when he was extremely tired, but he was manageable. Previously there were loads of shouting, yelling and screaming between me and him.
So spending time with him is a good change. I realised that the NST had grown a lot more. His conversations made more sense, he could negotiate on a more logical manner. To put it bluntly…you can’t ‘smoke’ him no more. Booo.
Which meant work was pushed to after the kids went to bed. That didn’t mean I wasn’t constantly thinking about it during the day. Urgh. That’s where the overwhelming feeling would hit. Bah.
For that, I am thankful for a hubby who is so supportive of what I am doing. He is helping me a lot in many areas. We have meetings and discuss about what we should be doing, allocation of responsibilities. I honestly do not think things would be going as well as they should without his help.
Even more so when I am facing with a QT who has some health issues. His assurance that it is not my fault makes a whole load of difference in my confidence in raising the kids. Him accompanying me for each doctor’s visit makes a difference cos he is in the know and we are sharing this burden. Him assuring that I am doing enough for us all, makes me feel that I am doing something right.
oh, that and of cos the shopping allowance *beams* most important hor. Hahaha.
I am thankful for the other kinds of support I get from the people around me too! Facebook can be quite terrible when it comes to stalking people and then gossiping behind their backs. But it can also be a wonderful place where I meet strangers who face the same problems and we support each other.
Thankful for my Modern Mamas group. OMG. We spam each other messages and then laughing stupidly at the phone when we crack jokes. Uhh..even Donald finds it funny. These people provide me with the laughter I badly need some days!
Thankful for my UTI support group. We banded together as a group of moms whose babies have had UTI and are at various stages of treatment. We share information with each other, support each other when the kids go for their tests, encourage each other and of course also moan and gripe about daily mundane stuff. One of them recently ‘graduate’ from the group (her kid had the all-clear and no longer need treatment) and we were all so happy for her!
Thankful for my tai-tai wannabe group, friends for the longest time, now all mothers and we gripe about how to raise our kids.
Thankful for my closest group of friends, whom I’ve known since poly days and are now godparents to my kids. We don’t meet often but when we do, our conversations range from the kids to everything else. It does make me forget that I am a mom momentarily, and feel like a regular adult. Thanks for that dose of reality.
It is true that when you become a mom, that social circle gets shaved to the barest minimum. And I am glad for this groups that I can count upon for the various kinds of support. For that, I will and can cope. I just need to plan my time better.
Urgh. A momma’s gotta do what a momma’s gotta do!