Day 76: choices

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the tings, sans Alex

today, the boys talked about getting married. I was telling Donald about a friend and his girlfriend.

Oliver: eeee girlfriend!
Quentin: hey! Don’t say eee girlfriend!
Me: Yes, you’re right, Quentin, there is nothing wrong about saying girlfriend. I was daddy’s girlfriend before getting married, and Daddy was my boyfriend.
Oliver: what!

And we got into a discussion about what getting married was about. I asked them what they thought getting married was about.

Oliver: kiss and get a ring!
Me: well, getting married is more than just about a kiss and rings. When we get married, we do have same rings, but getting married is more than that. It is about a promise between two people. I promised to take care of Daddy, love him and be with him for as long as possible. Daddy has promised to protect me, love me and be with me for as long as possible too!
Oliver: when did you become daddy’s girlfriend?
Me: I became his girlfriend in 2005.

The realisation that 14 years has gone by. And that we don’t really feel any different from when we were 23 and 25. And now..we are 37 and 39. Age is just a number. It really is. But how quickly 14 years have gone by, and we barely realised it. How many 14 years would we have together?

I recently made a decision about our family. The business would have to take a backseat. With Alex turning 4 months and being more awake for longer periods and more aware of the people around her, I wanted to focus more and be there for the kids. A few events with the kids had made me realised that I wanted to remember more about that.

Quentin was growing up and proudly taking his role as an older brother to this two sisters. He is awesome. I can always count on him to emotionally care for his sisters, to not them be upset or distressed.

Oliver is in primary school. His time with us has been reduced significantly, and as his interactions with his siblings. On the other hand, he was getting some one on one time with his father on the way to school. Donald’s time has come in to be the role model to his son. I would still pick him from school, and one day, he asked if I could pick him up without his siblings. I had the rare few occasions of picking him alone when my dad would come over in the afternoons so that the other two kids did not need to tag along.

My heart ached for him. Ollie asks the most questions about everything, about life, about concepts, about principals. He thirsts for knowledge, any kind of knowledge as he thinks about it. And I try my best to answer it as much as possible. I love talking to him as we go through life. And he tries his best to understand the way a 7yo can. I have resorted to hiding notes for him in his school bag so that he is reminded that we are there for him, and he is not forgotten.

One other reason why I wanted to focus more on the kids was…the trust they placed in us. Yesterday, I was upset with the boys, who had promised to keep their Lego sets before I released the new sets to them, only to have them break their promise when they were completed with it. It had happened so many times. I reminded Oliver that the trust had been broken time and again, and I was so done with it. I told him that I was disappointed in him. And he knew that I rarely severely discipline him.

Donald stepped him to talk to Ollie, and made him aware of his emotions. There was anger at not being able to play Lego anymore, and there was sadness, as I was disappointed in him.

And there was reconciliation, something that I didn’t have as I went through a very tumultuous relationship with my mother. I made sure that there was reconciliation after every scolding, and trust was built again, and there was love. I reminded Oliver that I may be angry with him, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love him. Reconciliation is when he voluntarily gives me a hug and kiss, walks away and comes back for another hug and kiss after saying good night. He goes to bed reassured and secure, and we start again the next day.

This is us with our kids. We are not perfect, but we move on and try again the next day, and we talk.

Earlier last week, I dreaded the school holidays, about breaking routine and catering to all four kids. Would we have cabin fever?

Then I had fun at our outing yesterday at East Coast Park. Sure I had my mom watching a napping Alex in the tent, whilst I spent time with the kids. It made a diff. But it also reminded me that the school hols should be a time to remind ourselves of the flexibility we had before Ollie went to primary school and that all the more, we should head out and spend time together. So I started looking around at things to do for the school hols.

As it is, I am typing this and prepping cookie dough so that the kids could cut the cookies out tomorrow as an activity. And Oliver has requested to learn about temperatures and the earth-moon-sun rotation tomorrow. WTH. My brain is gonna hurt reading about it. We borrowed books from the library too, so we will be reading some books together.

Donald told me something, when I told him I wanted to focus more on the kids. I was feeling guilty as we were financially tight, and every cent from the business does help us to go along.

‘well, do it. You became a SAHM to be with the kids, not build a business.’ And I am very very thankful for his support and very fortunate to be able to do so. The assurance and peace to be with the family. Today, I am reminded again that I probably have another 5-6 years before I have even lesser time with Ollie as he grows and makes more friends.

If not now, then when?

Both Donald and I have had to make some decisions, regarding work and family. It has always been a no brainer for us, to have as much time as possible with the kids is top priority. Almost everything else can wait. Well, except money for insurance. No insurance and 4 kids is a disaster hahaha.

Adulting sucks but ah well, we’ve got the 4 monsters to look after, it’ll all be cool.

Category: Daily

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