just some tings.

I had been thinking about this post for a couple of days. I spent last night scrolling through my Facebook posts, snippets of what I had posted about Ollie and QT, photos. And this morning, I woke up with this song in my head, except that I have two boys instead of a daughter, haha. It is the song, Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle.

There’s two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she’s daddy’s little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
and I thank god for all of the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all

My mil had taken a couple of days off on Monday and Tuesday, and she took Ollie out with her. I had two days with QT, and without kor kor around, I thought we would do without the stroller on Monday and let him have more freedom as usual, more contact with him. It was so so nice to be able to give him the one-on-one attention, whilst going out. He was pointing at everything and asking me about in his “mmh?” tone. He waved and shouted ‘bye!!’ to everyone on the train as we exited. He giggled when he stumbled in the train as it jerked and picked up speed. 恺 you sure live up to your name. So smiley and full of laughter.

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair;
“Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it’s my first ride.”
“I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried.”
Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong, I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every morning And butterfly kisses at night.

These days bedtime has been a rowdy affair, with Daddy Ting spending some time with the boys, loads of chasing, tickling. I would sometimes sigh about it, cos it means stimulating the kids and taking a longer time for them to fall asleep. But it is hard to say ‘stop’ or ‘no’ when the laughter is so infectious. Donald would pretend to collapse on Ollie, and he would yell ‘aiyoyo, my bones are breaking!!’ and his new word?

‘wa lao eh! oh cannot say wa lao eh’ *covers his mouth*

I think we need to watch our language at home haha.

We had a playdate yesterday, where Ollie’s classmate came over to play, together with said classmate’s sister, A, and mom, J. We had a really lovely time and I had some time to chat with J whilst the kids were playing. We went out for lunch together, and that’s when Ollie displayed some really sweet behaviour. Behaviour that I had NEVER seen before. J had ordered some edamame and it was served.

A: mummy I want to eat some beans!
J: okay, I will peel for you in a moment.
Ollie: I peel for you! *grabs bean pod and starts squeezing the edamame out.

To be honest, I was surprised that he would offer to help A, and I was glad. And then, I was like this in my mind ‘wa lao eh!! I never see you offer to peel for your marder, and you offer to peel for girl?? You good!!’ hahahah. #mumissues

Sweet 16 today
She’s looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.
But I remember…..

Social media, has it pros and cons. As i scroll through my Facebook page, I am actually thankful that I was able to record snippets of the good days that I have had with the boys. I don’t want to post about a bad day cos I’ve got a pride haha. I need to show that I’ve a mom who gets her shit together everyday. But hey, there are definitely days I don’t get my shit together. When I am yelling, neglecting (doing some work), and leaving them to their devices (i.e., the TV and iPad).

I laughed at the things Ollie said and did. I celebrated QT’s milestones which are so precious. I smiled as I see photos of the two boys together.

But it reminded me. Amidst the yelling, the neglecting (spending time on the phone or chores), the smacking, I might have done something right.

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
“You know how much I love you, Daddy,
But if you don’t mind I’m only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time.”
Oh with all that I’ve done wrong I must have done something right
to deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

When Ollie randomly does stuff out of the norm like keeping his toys, saying ‘thank you’, remembering to request for things politely, allowing QT to press the lift button (Ollie is quite possessive of his role), helping QT put on his socks and shoes, when he tells me he misses me and that he loves me; coming over to me for a hug even after I had just told him off.

When QT randomly rains kisses on my face as I carry him in my arms when we were out a few days ago, when he smiles at me and signs ‘good!’ whilst devouring his lunch, when he was eagerly pointing out at objects for me to identify to him and then resting his head on my shoudler. When QT replies “youuuuu” to my “I love….”.

I might have done something right. 

It is very easy to guilt a parent (mostly moms lah) into thinking that they are not doing enough for the child. Everyone wants the best for their child, in different ways. For Donald, it is being financially stable to provide the best environment to nurture and raise them (academically). For me, it is being able to cook them nutritious meals, taking them out so they are not glued to the tube, having the ‘right’ toys, and a clean house. But I wondered if this is what they are going to remember of me? Or do I want them to remember the way I love and raise them?

I was talking to a friend today about how I thought…parenthood could be quite judgemental. There will always be people who think that their methods are the best (and they may very well be, just that some education is required).

Breastfeeding vs formula
Pacifier vs thumb sucking
Stroller vs babywearing
Traditional methods vs modern methods

The list is not limited to that. Some may be well-meaning, but may come out wrong. Some with facts, but how do you tactfully tell the person leh? I had been guilted unintentionally a few times. So complicated. The moments that I feel that I don’t do enough outweighs the moments where I take pride in how the boys are doing.

Sick also feel guilty | Strangers giving you the evil eye cos your kid is chucking a tantrum & you yelled at them also make you feel that you failed as a parent | Poor performer at school | Not eating well (is it my cooking??) | Giving kiddo the iPad just so you get some peace and quiet (no electronic devices before 2 years of age!) | MacDonalds FTW (nuggets again?? Don’t you cook?) | Babywearing forever (isn’t your kid old enough to walk?) | Toilet training (aiyoh, so big already still wear diapers?)

Just do what you think your best, make a well-informed and educated decision, and enjoy the moments with your child. Those memories, no one can create it for you. Only you can do it. And then you record it on social media so that when there are days that get you down, these are the very memories that will bring you up again.

And that in every peal of laughter and joy that your child brings you, you must have done something right.

加油。 Buat yang terbaik. You go, mommies and daddies.