I’m not superwoman

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Mind you, this is not a humble brag entry, nor do I intend for it to be so.

When I first had Ollie, and some of my neighbours came to learn that I was a SAHM, there were mixed reactions ranging from “so wasted.” to “waah, you very 伟大leh!”. And then when QT came along, it escalated to “you’re a superwoman/super mom”, more so when they found out I was running a business from home.

As much as it is a compliment, it places added pressure on me to normalise what is perhaps not so normal. Behind the well-behaved outing, there is probably a super messy living room that I can’t be half-assed to clean up before we left the house. Dinner was probably not prepared and the floor not mopped in..a week.

Oh what happened to mopping EVERY night? haha

Sometimes I don’t cope very well staying at home for too many days. Even a trip to the nearby mall to window shop with the kids is a highlight of the day. I guess, it’s all about managing expectations and well..managing overall isn’t it?

But this is not what the entry is about. For every mom that has told me I am “伟大“,”厉害“, ”superwoman”, you are one too. In your own special way.

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to be a FTWM for 3 days. I did not see my kids for 3 days, my kids stayed overnight at their grandparents. By the 3rd day, QT didn’t want to be near me at all. To be honest, my heart broke when he strained out of my arms and he shrieked his head off when I carried him for a walk to put him to nap. When he finally fell asleep in my arms, he was still sobbing quietly in his sleep. T_T

Was that what it is like for you FTWMs? The first night we got home, no kids. But we couldn’t sleep early cos we had an order to be collected the next morning at 9am. So we were working till 2.30am in the morning. No time for breakfast in the morning, Donald had to pop over to his mom’s to hand her some fresh clothes for Ollie, and even then he had to do it sneakily so Ollie wouldn’t want to tag along to work with him. Second night, Ollie came home with us. I piggy-backed Ollie all the way home from my in-laws’ place. We had a chat, got home, Donald put him to bed. Next morning, he was off with the in-laws again. Third night was chaotic as we had to lug all our goods back from the baby fair and unpack.

No other time for marketing, cleaning the house, laundry or..basically anything. Plus I fell sick that weekend so by Sunday, I had no voice and was running on adrenalin. It took me 3 days to get back into the swing of things.

3 days! And most of you FTWMs need to get back into the swing of things every day. No matter how tired, even if the kids have been up the whole night being sick, you gotta drag yourself to work the following day and face another type of boss, and still hang in there. See..you are also a superwoman.

What about those who have helpers? THAT doesn’t make you any less than a mother, just because you have a helper, whether you are a SAHM with a helper or a FTWM with a helper. Despite help, you now have one more person under your charge that you will constantly worry about too. There is drawing that line between insanity and help. You want to take better care of your child by not having to focus on the less important stuff and getting the help required for you to be able to do it. You get better rest, you are happier and there is harmony at home (I hope!)

With mother’s day coming up, all of you moms are superwomen in your own way. Don’t let judgement bear you down. Those observers don’t know the situation, and you are dealing with things the best you can do in your own way. You are accountable to yourself, your family and your child. Press on, you’re doing an awesome job.

 

Category: Daily

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