Oliver: 5 years 8 mths

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Solo parenting tonight. The hubby is out for a course till late. My parents came over for dinner n helped by hanging around till i put Sarah to bed and then left when I put the boys to bed.

Quentin slept very quickly as I pat him to sleep. Oliver is still awake, tossing and turning. He makes a request to sleep in his bed. The three of us were on Quentin’s bed. I acede.

Crazed biker

As he settles himself in his bed, he grabs Elsa, an Elsa-dressed bear that he chose as a gift from his godparents. He hugs it and buries his head into the bear, trying to sleep.

It has been….3.75 years since I last spent any time with them at bedtime. I rarely did. Hubby takes over from shower till bedtime. It was something we worked out gradually, so that I could have some time to myself after the day.

Watching the 5.5yo sleep…makes me 心酸. The request never changes. ‘mommy, can you pat me to sleep?’ he only asks this of me.

What changed is his bed, the things in his bed, how much he has filled the bed.

He has grown a lot taller. Had we converted the cot to a toddler bed, we would have needed a new bed for him now. He is of course no longer a toddler. He is a boy. My boy.

I missed the times he snuggled up to me as we co-slept when he was younger. When Quentin came along and we co-slept for naps, Quentin would sleep in the middle and he would reach over to caress my arm or ear.

He still obliges for hugs and kisses. For now.

I am going be such a wreck when he goes to P1. Aaargh.

Big brother reading to his siblings

The parenting bit gets to me all the time. Sometimes I struggle with him when he does the most annoying shit. When he says the most self-entitled shit. When he behaves like a privileged, self-entitled brat. I definitely do not want to raise my kids this way. But I have probably unintentionally raised him to be so. Where almost everything and anything is available to him without any request. Gonna have to rein him in a bit.

When he is being a bully to his brother. When he lies. OMG. He has started lying. It is not the malicious kind..but more so lie to make an excuse. Like saying he did something when he didn’t despite repeated confirmations. So so trying. And so hard to try and explain why lying is not the way to go.

Entertaining Sarah with Flexils

But sometimes I remind myself that I really do have it good with him. When he spurts out random nice & polite stuff without any prompting. He speaks gently to his siblings and guides them on what they can do and cannot (Sarah just has this look of awe when he does that to her hahaha). He takes Quentin’s hand as they walk together into the assembly hall. He offers to share some of his bread when Quentin is not allowed any.

You know, the stuff that makes your ovaries scream and make you want to have more kids cos of such behaviour? The behaviour that makes your heart melt and tell you that you should reward him with whatever he wants. The behaviour that makes the world right and makes you feel that you did something right in the midst of raising the three monsters.

Yup, that validation that the way I raised my kids is okay. Okay is a good pass. Doesn’t have to be good. Okay is good enough. Hahaha..talk about lowering expectations right? I mean, what expectations siah.

Sigh, gonna be entering another phase of my life soon. Not sure how I am going to deal with it. But we’ll get there.


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