the wait

late Sunday morning, QT had a fever. It slowly climbed through the afternoon, and then we saw him get lethargic because of it. He was super clingy and fussy. We did any parent would: gave him the usual dose of Paracetamol and waited.

It came down. He again was fussy, cried when I tried to put him in the carrier, and then proceeded to puke on me when I was trying to soothe him. Aiiie. Great. We could only hope it wasn’t gastro again. Definitely not looking forwards to another 4D3N stay at KKH, thank you very much.

But we had to monitor his fever. Cos the doctor had told us to bring him in to KKH A&E, waving our MRI report so that we could get expedited and get a urine test done. You know, just in case. The fever hovered around the 38.5 degrees & above range. Sian. Not a good way to start the school hols. But I was hopeful.

And too hopeful I think. Cos he woke up mad cranky as well, fussing at every moment. In between two laundry loads, prepping lunch and then heading off to Ikea to burn off some steam (myself, I was getting really frustrated; for the toddler cos he needed to burn off energy; and hopefully getting QT to sleep). All this while, QT was still burning. Looks like the trip to KKH was inevitable. And we did it the moment we got home from Ikea.

Take health booklet. Take folder full of QT’s reports. Grab iPad for Ollie. Diapers. Water bottles. 

All this while, Ollie was taking instructions. He cooperated. He sat next to me in the cab, and we had a chat about how didi is not feeling well, and that he has to go to the hospital so that we could get him sorted out. We talked about what he wanted to eat for dinner, and what we will be doing at the hospital. Then he started sliding down on the seat, leaning towards me, whilst we were stuck in the midst of a jam along the PIE, heading towards CTE.

Ollie! Don’t sleep okay? I know you are tired, but if you sleep, Mommy cannot carry both you and didi. If you want to sleep, wait till we get to the hospital okay? 

We got his dinner. We didn’t have to wait long at registration, or to see the doctor. He had a chat with the doctor, and he spent his time waiting trying to put his Happy Meal box together, observing the patients entering the A&E observation ward. My mom dropped by to see if she could help, and then suggested that either she or Donald take Ollie home cos it was already past 7pm, and we could see that he was tired.

We were at the hospital for nearly 5 hours. 15mins to see the doctor, 4h 45mins to wait for His Royal Majesty Quentin to pee so he could take a urine test. FML.

The point of this entry..is actually for Ollie. What got me was the text that Donald sent me about what Ollie had said after he took him home. The NST did not sleep until 9pm. (he slept in the car but Donald woke him up to shower him).

He had told Donald not to switch off the toilet light as I am not home, and that I will need to shower.

He then said Donald could not sleep next to him cos “you’re not mommy”.

THEN my husband said to me, “you are very very special to him.”

oh Ollie.

How to not feel guilty about all the yelling, snapping, smacking that I did out of frustration? He sorta understands that QT is a little different and that we may be spending a lot of time going to the hospital because of him. But I can only hope that in the midst of all this, I do not forget that I have another child who needs as much attention as his brother does.

Ollie is very affectionate with me, and lately has taken to randomly coming over to give me a hug and casually say “I love you mummy”. And of course didi will have to come along copy what kor kor does. Since they started sleeping early in the evenings (around 7pm), I’m there with them for as good as 24/7. Open eyes also see mommy, close eyes also see mommy. Hahah. So I am not surprised that he is super closed to me. But I was surprised how he articulated to Donald the type of stature I have in his heart.

Ollie, mummy will promise to try harder to work this out with you okay? Love you too. 

Category: #whattheNSTsaid, Kids

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