just some tings.

Dear Ollie,

Merry Christmas, my darling. I hope you have had fun today, receiving presents. At this point, mummy has put away all of the presents that you have received, bar the two presents that was opened at kor-po Doris’ house today. Now, they are all stacked nicely at the Christmas tree that we did together. I know you will get a huge surprise tomorrow morning when you wake up tomorrow! I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you and didi go through them.

I was searching through my phone for a photo of you and I to post..but I could barely find one. When was the last time we took a photo spontaneously? The last photo we had was you and I at the Christmas baking workshop.

We definitely need more photos together. We should take more and have more memories okay?

We’ve had a little rough school holidays, you and I. Too used to having a little break in the middle of the day, I didn’t really know what to do with you during the school hols where you were home the entire day. I struggled to think of activities that would keep you occupied, whilst trying to hold back on pushing you to far ahead of your peers. I didn’t need to push you. You are so enthusiastic about learning. You love learning in fact. You would ask me for activities to do. You are constantly practising your writing, now even writing in block letters. You love drawing.

You worked with your Duplo bricks, building alphabets and numbers. It didn’t take you long to figure out how to build the curves, all from just watching Youtube videos.

You indulge in tangrams, using the Osmo app. You love tangrams.

I tried to do other activities with you. We did an advent Christmas tree out of felt. You stuck the felt pieces on tree. You loved it. We did heaps of drawing. We went out for a couple of bike rides. We went out some days. You did well, my little man. You did well.

But just before Christmas, mummy was getting frustrated. I have suffering from a massive brain drain. It was mentally exhausting to catch up with you and didi. I left you two to your devices. The tv, the iPad. the phone. Just to get more and more peace. And I also took it out on you guys, yelling a lot and feeling just down, like why would you just not cooperate? And then I would feel guilty for yelling at you guys.

Then I happened to read and article, My Kids Turn into Total Brats the Day after Christmas. Worst..it wasn’t even Christmas yet. I wondered who was the brat then?

We went for dinner at your paternal grandmother’s place. As I was putting didi to sleep in the carrier, you came over and asked if you could play with the “small blocks”, the Lego pieces. I told you that you can once didi was asleep and that you would have to put away the rest of the toys that you have taken out. I watched you. Patiently, tidying everything properly into their containers. Lifting up the huge container of train tracks, and then putting them back into the respective places.

I watched you grow up that very moment. I also wondered why it took so much nagging from me to even prompt you to put away your toys. And even then, you would tell me it wasn’t you who poured out the toys. That you didn’t want to put away your toys. And that I didn’t personally see you pour out the toys.

I told your daddy about it, and I said, I wondered what we did wrong. And then I knew.

I was wrong to tell you that I wasn’t the one to pour out all the toys, so I didn’t have to put it away.

I was wrong to yell at you to put away the toys to make the whole process a negative experience.

On Christmas eve, Daddy took all of us to join him and his colleagues at the National Gallery. There was a children’s play area there, and I knew that you were going to enjoy it. Before that, we had breakfast at Raffles City. You had more than 12 hours of sleep, and I thought, we were going to have a great start to the morning. We didn’t. But we were cool, until we got to the National Gallery.

And then Daddy lost his cool cos you weren’t listening when we were walking through the children’s area at the gallery.

 

I took over and carried you. You struggled. You cried. You screamed to be let down. You wanted to hide. You wanted to runaway. You wanted to go back into the playground. You were so angry.

But it was a normal reaction. And I let you be whilst holding you. I had a calm talk with you, slowly explaining to you why things were happening. What happens when we don’t cooperate. What we need to do when we want to have fun. And I told you that I love you, and that I’m not yelling at you. We had to talk outside the National Gallery, cos your screams were disturbing the peace in the gallery. We talked for 30 minutes, in between struggling, tears, and moments of calm. I asked if you have calmed down, and you nodded your head. We went back inside, sat on a bench together, looked at some photos and had a really nice chat after.

It took half an hour. But it was one of the best 30 minutes of my moments with you. I think I need to understand that..dealing with you takes time. And when I actually take time with you, we walk out of our frustrations way better than we would if we had yelled at each other. I don’t want you to fear me, I want you to love me, trust me and confide in me.

Ollie, you have grown a lot this year. You say the most insane thing that crack both your daddy and I up. Your sense of logic is a bit 歪理 sometimes (I need to take care of daddy’s phone so I take it), but otherwise, pretty much on track. You’re going to turn 4 in a month! Argh..has it been 4 years already?

But I will try to take more time with you, so we will make more beautiful memories together. But please hor, stop doing the opposite of what I want you to do!! Aiyoyo!!!

Love,
mummy