being a mom

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These days, I am learning more about being a mom.

Last morning, I learnt that being a mom meant holding Ollie, trying to comfort him as he goes through a really hard poop. The kind that involves a lot of tears, sweat, clinging on to me. And talking him through it in between whiffs of farts and poopy stench.

This morning, I learnt that being a mom meant trying to be fair to two kids, putting my foot down and putting some boundaries in place. I don’t want to use the word “punish” cos..I don’t want to punish my kid. I want him to understand. The older generation will probably roll their eyes over this. Haha. But yeah.

Over the weekend that just passed, Donald and I managed to spend some time chatting over coffee with both monsters asleep. I had been slack over the past couple of weeks. The boys and I had been going out, and I was slack with cooking meals, some household chores and personal stuff I meant to catch up on.

We had a chance to catch up on sleep over the weekend, and chores with Ollie out of the way, spending time with his both sets of grandparents. It took awhile for me to really get used to Ollie being out of the house without us. On one hand, having him out of the way meant we could get A LOT of things done. On the other hand, it meant we didn’t get as much time to spend as a family, doing the things we would like to do. But we have the detox week in place once a month, so I think that kinda helps a bit.

But yes, being slack. I’ve been feeling guilty about it, about feeding Ollie crap (actually still pretty decent homecooked food, except that I have high expectations of what I think I should feed my toddler). With the time we had over the weekend, I figured I really need to pick up my act and start afresh in this second half of the year. QT is turning 5 months this Friday, and depending on how he is, we would probably start weaning next month. Ahh..fun times ahead. Feeding two kids.

It’s tough emotionally sometimes, having to deal with this guilt. Today, Ollie had reaaally naughty hands and had been taking it out on QT. Poor QT. For the first time, i stepped in and told Ollie that he would not have TV for the rest of the day. He whined about it for like 5 minutes and then took his books out to read. Now I don’t know if I should be happy he can still survive/be entertained without TV, or be worried now that I don’t have a TV trumph card. Then of course it got extended to no gummies, no pressing the lift button, no watering the plants..etc.

I tried softening the blow of the multiple “Nos” that Ollie was getting throughout the day by occasionally offering him a bite of what snack I was having. Some parts of the day, he seemed to understand that I had to handle QT and he would settle himself, like going up my bed and just settling himself down for his nap. Other parts of the day, we would play a little together whilst QT napped. Then some parts of the day..was spent being cheeky in a bad way with his “naughty” hands.

Now I am just wondering how long he should go without tv. I didn’t want to be constantly harping about his bad behaviour.

No, you are not getting TV because naughty hands don’t get to watch TV”.
“No, you are not getting gummies because naughty hands don’t get to hold gummies.”

It is one thing if the act poses a hazard to him, like dashing across the road. But this involves hitting QT, so I guess I’m not keen on harping that he keeps hitting QT. Although he can and understands that “nice hands do not beat”. I mean, what if this harping reminds him of the act? Or perhaps I should just say, “no, you can’t have tv.” end of story.

Hrm.

hi mom

hi mom

The moments we had together, without the tv, without the phone, made me think that it was a lot better. Ollie read his books, he listened without being distracted, he would ask heaps of “what’s-this” questions. But having to give up being able to do some chores without interruption. Ooohhh. Really tough decision. We’ll give this week a trial run. Haha.

I also learn that being a mom means..it is okay to let go sometimes and slack, and not feel guilty about it (although I can’t stop feeling guilty about it). That I am not a slave to my kids and that I am a mother who needs that occasional moment of sanity.

That being a mom means giving hugs to the little ones regardless of how furious or frustrated I am at the moment. Cos I never know what I may do, or say in a fit of anger. And then I also learn that I actually have heaps of patience when dealing with a 2.5yo. Just, you know, loads of breathing exercises and enlarged nostrils. Which could potentially tickle the toddler and both of us end up in giggling fits.

Tadah! Anger dissipated.

*sigh* We are at the stage of “Trying-Twos” rather than the “Terrible-Twos”. Both mummy and monster are trying out everything and being trying as well. Ah wells, we’ll see how we go.

PS. I know I haven’t been writing a lot about QT. He is at the stage of flipping like a roti prata and being DAMN buay paiseh about yelling his head off when he is not happy with my services. He is growing really well and is relatively cheerful, and still very chubby!! Aiyooh. I’ll update more when he hits another milestone. Haha. 

cheeky puff

cheeky puff

Category: Parenting

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