that nursing issue

ohhh how I struggle with this one. the big bad struggle between my needs and Ollie’s needs.

Lately I revisited this issue of nursing Ollie to sleep versus not nursing him to sleep. The 2-hourly feeds thing had me exhausted and at my wits end at one point, and I thought maybe weaning him off nursing to sleep might help him “learn” how to self-soothe in the middle of the night and not wake up to nurse.

To assuage my guilt, I convinced myself that at least I was not letting him cry it out alone in the cot. I was talking, patting, holding, cuddling, singing and rocking him to sleep. All .except nursing. The first few nights took us about almost an hour before he finally fell asleep, in between fussing and crying. The next few nights got easier, and at one point, he would settle down in about 15 minutes.

Did that mean it helped with the self-soothing? Yes and no.

Ollie did sleep somewhat longer, from 8.30pm till about 12.30am – 1am. But like I wrote in a previous entry, it could be due to the changes in his naps. And there were some nights where he would self-soothe. He would whimper, fuss a little, roll around his cot a little and then settled back into sleep. But was it a result of not nursing to sleep? I do not know.

All that not-nursing to sleep thing went out of the window over the weekend when Ollie’s naps were screwed up. Which meant he would only have two 30min naps that ended at 2-3pm ish and he would not have another nap, or rather we tried not to let him nap so he would sleep earlier instead of later. Last night we revisited the 2-hourly nursing again. Meh.

Tonight, I was somewhat adamant that I would not nurse him to sleep..and finally all that fussing each time he went to bed got to me. I had to rethink why did I want to put Ollie through all that fussing and crying to put him to sleep. And I caved.

Ollie: 1, Mama: 0.

Suddenly it felt right to watch my son quietly nurse to sleep, and fall asleep calmly. I actually missed him nursing quietly. The nursing when he wakes thing somehow didn’t work for us. He would get distracted and if anything, I felt he was nursing lesser because he was distracted. Which probably meant lesser milk..oh noes!

So..conclusion. We are back on the nursing to sleep journey. Next time I have a whinge about nursing Ollie to sleep, please bitchslap me and remind me why I am doing this again. =D

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