how do you (I) do it? – two years later

I vaguely remembered writing a post on this. And I Googled myself. hahah. Eh, that is the fastest way to find a post okay.

And so I did. I wrote a similar post 2 years ago. Has anything changed since then? Well…we added a new member to the family and boy, are things even more hectic. I was ‘inspired’ to write this post because in a span of a couple of weeks, I had this question posed to me: how do I do it, with 4 kids? 

I don’t. Let me tell you as it is now: I’m seriously sleep deprived, clocking 5-6 hours each night. I have been shoving the kids to their father because I cannot deal carrying a newborn and 3 kids having a shouting match. The last 3 weeks was probably a vacation for me cos at least I have the option to simply tell my husband that I was going to take a nap and just waltz off and do it.

Except I got a shit brain who makes me a light sleeper and it takes me forever to settle and by the time I actually wind down enough to sleep, the baby wails for a feed and I gotta restart all over again. BOO.

The same shit brain also makes me feel inadequate, makes me feel that I am not doing enough despite knowing that I have clocked a lot of stuff in an hour, just cause there are still veggie peels in the sink, breakfast dishes not washed, I am stuck on a chair nursing the baby with my now lukewarm yoghurt sitting in front of me, and a toddler sitting outside playing by herself. START PACKING FOR YOUR GUILT TRIP  says the brain.

And I do just that. Why are there stuff still not done? And oh, your shit eyes also decide to spy a dried patch of god-knows-what on the floor and you add mopping the dining room to your never-ending list of stuff to do. But you know what? The smart thing to do would be to practise self-care. To say it is okay to leave some of the stuff to be cleared after you are home from running errands outside.

That you have done just enough, and it is okay. That it is time to head out with your kids and spend some time with them, away from the chores. Those chores CAN wait, well, except if everyone is running out of undies, then sorry that cannot wait. Hahahaha.

But how do I do it some days? I do it because of this man who makes me feel I can do it.

Daddy Ting and his minions

I laugh to myself recounting the messages between him and me whilst I gave birth to Alex, and him missing out on the birth. All because we thought the labour would take a while, and he could go home, check on the kids a little and come back to the hospital again. Oh what a story to tell Alex when she grows up.

This man handled 3 sick kids and looked after me after we got discharged from the hospital. He tried cooking my meals for me, but I kicked him out of the kitchen on day 5PP. Hmph. I want the food I want to eat! Then he had to handle the 3 sick kids AND keep them away from the newborn. That was week #1

sick kids means mask on all the time!

Week #2, he fell sick but still looked after the recovering kids sans Sarah who stayed over at my parents’ place so he could rest more. Then things got better, we still stayed home a lot. Sorta, this momma went out a bit cos I was getting cabin fever. I got to meet some friends! Oh happiness. Trips to the polyclinics for jaundice checks were the highlights of my week!

Week #3, Ollie broke his toe. Sigh. So dunno who kena confinement siah. Daddy Ting really got his work cut out for him lifting his 20kg son around cos we were trying to keep the cast clean (else how to sleep in bed?? Yucks). On the other hand…Quentin had a lot more opportunity to be out of his brother’s shadows cos Oliver is out of action. That would be another post in itself.

bai-kah-chu

We are into week #4 and we are catching up on errands. A LOT of errands plus sending Quentin to his day camp. This is a trial run of how it would be like when the kids go back to school next year, esp when Oliver commences primary school. I told Daddy Ting that we cannot do enrichment classes for the kids, cos it is just not our style. We are way to chill to do the mad rush on weekends. Even swimming classes was pushing it a little (5-6pm, and then the rush back to have dinner wth).

But this man, my husband, takes all these in stride, and still takes time to make sure that my mental well being is taken care of. Once that is taken care of, everything else goes. He was there when I needed him (well, except when he missed out on Alex’s birth hahahahahah.) He is almost at my beck and call, at this time, if the kids are not all piled on him, hounding him to play Uno with them.

mummy not free, nehmind, teh-bao daddy!

we played copious amounts of Uno.

Etched in my memory forever:

1) Watching him put Sarah on the toilet and him squatting next to her waiting for her to be done, and then cleaning her up. I laughed, and he chuckled as well, shaking his head. There was just something about that scene that made it endearing and funny.

2) We have a recycling box at home, and he spied some ziplock bags in the box earlier today.

Him: are those ziplock bags in the box??
Me: oh yeah, they are the ones that the clothes came in. I didn’t know what to do with them, but they are in pretty good condition eh?
Him: yeah, I was surprised to see them there. I thought you would use them to store something.
Me: waaah, not bad hor. You noticed!
Him: Of course, I was thinking how can it be that you would put those bags into the box?? Where’s my wife and what have you done with her??
Me: Bwhahahahaha. You’re an idiot.

The little actions he does to support the things that I do or want to do. They remind me that we have a thing going on always.

So how do I do it with 4 kids? I will run solo with them when Daddy Ting goes back to work, but I do it with some help from the village I have behind my back. It pays to have a big family and have the kids close to them.

It pays to have married my soul mate and knowing he has my back. 😘

 

Category: Special

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