Tag Archives: discipline

But mummy is happy

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These days, Ollie alternates being super cheeky (in a bad way) and being really nice (in a wow-i-am-impressed way).

To give him credit, he has been really nice to QT. Well..apart frm Monday where he smacked QT in the cab. Apart from that, they got along fabulously.

The cheeky bit..not so good. He has had his easel confiscated for drawing on the play yard and play mat and..on QT using crayons. It got to the point where I was tired of telling him “stop doing this, stop doing that”. And I just confiscated it without a word.

Cue loads of tears and begging for me to return the easel. No way, buster.

Other instances would be snatching stuff from me and that would result in a couple of smacks on the back of his hand. He would go,” ouuuuuch! But it’s so red!“. He mostly starts his sentences with “but”. We would have a chat post smack about what he did and share a hug.

Earlier this evening, Ollie switched off his 表姑’s pc whilst she was using it. He attempted to repeat it again, despite us telling him not to do so. He got smacked on the back of his hand. He then sat on my lap and buried his head against my chest.

He looked up, solemnly and then said “but mummy is happy.”

“No, mummy is upset. 表姑 was doing some work on the computer and you switched it off. I told you not to touch it and you tried to switch it off again. Say sorry please.”

Ollie didn’t say it directly..he said sorry 姨姨.  Well, I’d take it. Let’s not push it.

He was then resting against my chest, then looked up, “but mummy is happy.”

“Yes, mummy is happy because you said sorry. Do you want mummy to be happy?”

“Yes.”

It was only at that moment when I finally understood what this child of mine had been saying to me or Donald or QT, each time he said “but is happy.” He just didn’t want us to be cross with him and to resume the smiles and laughter. I had always assumed he was being cheeky and wanted to say the opposite when we werr cross with him. He said it because he wanted to do something about the situation and make amends.

And my heart broke a little when I looked at his forlorn face looking at me.
Oh my darling, I hope your little heart didn’t break as mine did, the way this mummy of yours responded to you. We’ll work our way slowly but surely through our lives.

Category: Kids, Parenting | Tags: ,

heatwave

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the weather these couple of days have been atrocious.

And so is my temper as a result of lack of sleep and an annoying cough. Ollie has been trying his luck with the things that he does. Pushing ALOT of boundaries. Basically, testing my patience. Argh.

So cue a fair bit of yelling at him, which I rarely do, and I think he is a little taken aback at it. He does stop what he is doing, accede to my requests subsequently, albeit with a really sad face, the kind that will lead to crying if he is pushed a little more. I do feel bad almost immediately because I think that I am taking my frustrations out on him. This has happened for the past couple of days. And it is making me rethink the whole having another kid thing seriously. Like OMFG, if this is what it is already like with two, aren’t I looking to kill myself with three like this!?!

And then suddenly, yesterday, things just seemed to take a turn for the better. Ollie had a really long afternoon nap, and he woke up in a really good mood. We laid around in bed post nap, taking silly photos with Quentin between us; Ollie snuggled next to his brother. It was all really good. This was followed by him deciding that he will read his books quietly, with Quentin nearby lying on the play gym. I then decided that it might be safe to go cook dinner.

Now, Ollie has been prone to hitting his brother when he is in a grumpy mood. He would just smack QT on the head/face with no warning, so I had been a little wary of leaving the two of them alone for a while. But I can’t always be too wary, so I thought it should be fine this time round.

And fine, it was. QT was starting a fuss a little after about 5 minutes. What happened next made me change my mind about everything and anything else about kids. In a good way. Haha. Ollie rushed next to QT and tried to soothe him by stroking his head, and saying “it’s okay” repeatedly. In addition to that, Ollie remembered how I taught him to play with QT on the play gym, and he started rattling some of the toys hanging on the play gym to distract QT. And it seemed to work. It bought me another 10 minutes..after I caught the exchange on video as well. I know I know..typical parent videoing every moment on the phone.

What on earth just happened there?? Where was that grumpy/grouchy kid that I have been dealing with lately?? My heart melted at what I saw. Like what one article I read earlier this week stated, seeing the love between the kids will be what makes me want to have another kid. And what I saw at the moment and for the next 5 minutes was everything that made me want to have another kid. Like now. *cue Donald fainting somewhere*

It also reminded me that Ollie wasn’t being malicious in his actions. And that this phase one day shall pass. We were just having a couple of bad days and that Ollie is still my boy with lots of love to share. Looks like we’ll have to have the AC on each time the both of us are having our bad days, it might just help to ease off the heat!

Category: Daily, Kids | Tags: , , ,

discipline

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Step back. Take a deep breath. Count to ten.

more often than not, this has been my new mantra lately. Ollie has been a little trying, making me a little frustrated especially when I have to make a split second decision between a toddler acting out and a fussing newborn. Argh. But it is still manageable. Raising Ollie has taught me patience and tolerance. It takes a lot before I get really annoyed and frustrated.

But not so for Donald. It has gotten to the point where Donald says he is ready to use the cane on Ollie. Me? I am dead against it. When it comes to my kids, the cane is NOT an option.

We talked about how we were raised by the cane (seriously, it is such a prominent object in our childhood). I said that the cane was used till I was probably in lower secondary. Donald reckons his parents stopped using the cane when he was in primary school. His argument was that his parents used the cane, and look at how he turned out, which basically was fine lah. That would go against so many other stand that we have made re: what was okay in our parents’ generation which didn’t kill us (food issues..etc). My argument was it could go so wrong like in my case where I rebelled big time.

My stand was that the cane was an easy way out for us. Pain and fear would solve many so-called discipline issues. But it would not make me understand my child any better. He would respond to the cane, and not to me. Ollie is throwing tantrums because that is the way he is trying to communicate to us, and it is not a deliberate attempt. He is a really decent kid, and we don’t have a lot of trouble with him. I figured out that the recent spats of acting out was due to a break in routine / situational changes around him. He threw a major tantrum one night shortly after QT was discharged from the hospital. But ever since then, with us going back to a more manageable routine and settling back into normalcy, Ollie has been awesome. There are mini hiccups along the day, but we got over them really quickly, compared to the major ones. Then again, we realized that in Ollie’s world, major tantrums can be resolved with a shower, so it wasn’t that bad after all. haha.

We are slowly understanding Ollie a little more. I was telling Donald about an incident where my mom and I went out to the nearby hypermart with the boys. Ollie was handed a toy to play with whilst sitting in the cart but had been tossing it out of the cart. I then told Ollie that if he were to continue throwing the toy out, I was going to put it back on the shelf. He tossed it out one more time and I took it away. He was on the verge of tears as he asked for the toy. The conversation went like this:

Ollie: Ollie want to hold the duck.
Me: No, you keep throwing the toy out. Mummy said that if you throw it out again, I will take it away. Because throwing it means you don’t want it anymore.
Ollie: Ollie want to hold the duck.
Me: Are you going to throw the toy again?
Ollie: Yes
Me: then you cannot have it.

This went to & fro a couple more times before I realised that he wasn’t really answering my question of if he was going to throw the toy.

Me: Are you going to hold the duck?
Ollie: Ollie hold the duck, don’t throw.
Me: Okay, you can have it. Hold only.
Ollie: Hold only.

Being so upset at having the toy taken away from him, he wasn’t really hearing my question and thought I was asking if he wanted to hold the toy. I told Donald that we probably needed to ask him a couple of questions phrased different before we’ll get what his response actually means.

Disciplining a child is a tough job, trying to draw the line between what is acceptable of the behaviour and what is going through the toddler’s mind and how we as parents can manage that behaviour lovingly. And this, is only the beginning.

Category: Kids | Tags: , , ,
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