Tag Archives: #olivert

Oliver @ 4 years 11 months

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30th Dec 2016

Hey you.

I counted the number of years and months you were into this year. For a moment, I got a little confused and thought that you were 3 years old. That’s not right. He is 4 this year. I thought to myself. You are going to turn 5 next year.

Gosh. You are going to turn 5 next year. You are going to K1 next year.

Earlier this evening, you came out of your bedroom to drink a cup of water. You had forgotten to bring your water bottle home from school. I rinsed another water bottle, filled it and handed it over to you.

‘Oh, it’s wet.’ And then you proceeded to take a piece of tissue and cleaned it thoroughly.

I watched you do it meticulously on your own accord. Again, I realised that you had grown up before my very eyes . I must have missed the memo that said that I would feel this sense of wonder and love for my child as I watch them grow.

You have the funniest sense of logic. Oh Oliver, the things that you say. I’ve compiled them into #shitolliesez. That same sense of logic that drives me batshits as you use it against me. Not in a bad way, but in a cheeky, teasing kinda way.

You gave me a lot of firsts, and I have wonderful memories of these firsts, well not all wonderful memories, some bad but a good kinda bad. Cos we came out of it even better, didn’t we?

And I wonder, what kind of mom am I to you? What do you see through your eyes?

I have friends who tell me I do a wonderful job with you and your siblings. But I wonder if it is enough for you. Every decision that your dad and I take are meticulously thought out, with your temperament and emotions in mind. Saying ‘he’s just a child, he won’t remember it’ doesn’t cut it. Cos we know you remember so much.

on an average day, you are a pretty awesome son and older brother. on a good day, you blow me away with what you are willing to do and what you can do, how you would lie next to your baby sister and sing her song so that she wouldn’t fuss, and I could continue my chores. On a bad day, you bully the crap outta your younger brother, snub us and pretty much say no to everything. But mostly you got good days.

That sense of wonder in your eyes as we head out, the four of us on our little adventures. These days, you carry your own backpack, filled with essentials that I can grab from easily, so I travel lighter. You share my burden. I watch as you wander ahead of me, reading out signs to me, and asking where we should be heading towards. You enter the lift, hold the door for me and peep to make sure that we are all in before you press the button for the door to close.

Today, you asked if you and Quentin could head to the toys section whilst I went to grab some undies for him. I agreed and asked that the two of you stayed close to each other. When I went to look for you, you were holding Quentin’s hands and walking around, telling him what he should press on the toy.

And today, I wondered what did I do to deserve a kid like you.

[cont’d on 8th January 2017] 

Today ended a little differently, with you in tears at bedtime. I had just put your sister to bed and I heard Daddy yelling at you, with you bursting into tears shortly. I opened the door to your room, and you came over to me, burying your face into me, hugging my leg, sobbing away.

We had a chat, mostly me asking you questions about what happened after Daddy gave me the low down. You had told me to ask Daddy what happened. Daddy said you smacked Quentin, and then hit him. Daddy had been waiting for an apology from you, but when you didn’t and still repeatedly hit him, he got angry.

I then talked to you about how hitting is not a good behaviour and I explained again about how you would feel if someone hit you, and how the other would fee if you hit them. Then you finally agreed to apologise to Daddy and Quentin. After you said sorry to Daddy, you cried. And you asked that I put you to bed and pat you to sleep.

When I did, I teared as I stroked your hair. I wondered what went through your head. And I told you this:

Oliver, the hardest word to say is sorry, because it would mean admitting that you are wrong. But you were brave to say it. Mummy and Daddy may get angry at you but it doesn’t mean we don’t love you, okay? 

You nodded, snuggled up to the side I was at and closed your eyes.

I teared cos I remembered asking you if you felt that mummy and daddy didn’t love you, and you nodded then. I wondered if you felt that way tonight. Now that our attention was split 3-ways, with brother and sister. I have been struggling with this, for the past couple of days. More so after you decided that you didn’t want to stay over at your grandma’s last night. You woke up at 7am this morning and you sorted yourself out till your grandma picked you up at 8.30am. Daddy got up in time to dress you and you went to church without breakfast. Fortunately, your grandma had a couple of slices of bread with her and you ate along the way.

I felt and still feel like the worst parent. Sleep always ends up winning, between waking up earlier to prepare breakfast for you and snoozing. But let’s try this year, I’ll try to be a better mom, and wake up when you are awake.

Like all other times, let’s try again this year. You and I. There’ll be a few changes, but I hope they will be for the better. Both you and I are growing a little older, and hopefully for the wiser. Bear with me, my little man. Okay?

Loving you is always a given. Never doubt nor question that.

Loving you to Jupiter & back,
me.

 

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being spoilt…by the kids.

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Oliver had been a little clingy lately. Clingy in that he didn’t want to go to school; he didn’t want to stay over at his grandma’s over the weekend. It became a little frustrating to get him to school. He would tear, he would cling on to me and then cry when I left him in the arms of his teacher.

So last Friday, I decided that the boys and I would go for a nice lunch (thanks Daddy Ting! hahaha). And we had a fantastic time. The boys were so cooperative, especially Oliver that I was super duper impressed.

I got him home from school, packed the backpack, grabbed the stroller and off we went.

I told him that he had to help me watch QT and he did. We were all standing in the bus so he made sure his palms were wrapped around QT’s palms when holding on to the pole. Then he would hold QT’s hand when I told him so. He would help me buckle QT up cos QT asked ‘kor kor, help!’

a mother & son moment

a mother & son moment

QT fell asleep on the way, whilst we were talking to the train station staff cos Ollie had a burning qns. He wanted to know why the roof of Eunos MRT station was pointy. Hahaha.I sorta guessed the answer but I figured it would be an experience for him to hear it from the train station manager. Then we had a chat whilst QT slept along the way. We talked about train stations, then he talked about how he didn’t want to grow a long beard cos we saw some caucasians with beards. He mentioned how hungry he was and what he was planning to eat. I explained how he had to watch QT whilst I would go get his food. We took some silly photos together whilst he was on my lap.

Then he ‘helped’ me hold the stroller down the stairs outside Promenade MRT (fml no lift but heng only 3 steps). ‘Mummy, I help you hold so not so heavy for you!’ ??

Oh yar, backtrack abit. Was taking the lift from the bus interchange to the basement to get to the MRT. There are 4 floors, lvl 2, 1, B1 & B2. Taking the lift with us was a couple and a guy. Ollie was holding the door in the lift. When i turned to look, to my horror, level 1, B1 & B2 were pressed! ???

‘hoi! Why you go and press all!!??’

The couple quickly said, nono he didn’t. Then couple got out at level 1, guy got out at B1…we got out at B2. ?

‘Mummy, I didn’t press all’ he said, eyes wide open after the couple defended him. I apologised to him in front of everyone.

‘I’m sorry, Ollie. Mummy thought you pressed all the buttons. Sorry ok?’

What was I thinking man…he has NEVER anyhow pressed lift buttons lor. How could I have simply assumed!! ?Felt so bad. Hais.

Okay, back to lunch haha. Our table wasn’t ready when we got there. Zzz. They said got sudden huge group so will need 20 mins to get our table ready. Waah i know i am 10 mins late..but another 20mins?? The server was super nice though. I told her the kids were hungry. So she sat us at Chihuly Lounge and went to get food for us. Juices for the boys and dim sum. She said…she would offer me complimentary cocktail or wine..except I am pregnant. So she offered me mocktail

Told hubby after we got hm. Wah piangs..wasted! Else make him drink all the alco hahahaha #sibehauntie

But of cos decline lar. Main concern was to get the table n feed the kids! The boys were happy with liu sha bao, Ollie doing colouring and QT reading the book I brought, sipping juices. Got our table within 10 mins. So not too bad lar. Heng they were starving too!

Told Ollie again he has to watch QT whilst I quickly went to get them food. And he did. We got a booth and he sat near to QT. Could see them play fight with the ridiculously long breadstick hahah. And then peacefully digging into their food. Went back and grab more food so no need to keep taking. Just pile table first. Server also gave them kids’ pack so QT got to sticking and Ollie colouring.

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Then during iPad time..(towards end of our meal) QT was being bratty and not wanting to share. And..what Ollie said next totally blew me away

‘Never mind mummy. Let didi watch iPad. I don’t need’

You don’t need???? What is you don’t need?? Where has my 4yo gone??

He just went back to diligently colouring. ??

Okay. Offered him some kueh and he said let me think about it hahaha. Then he said no thank you, I don’t want it.

?

The trip home was great (only not so great is the poop zzz). We got a laugh when Ollie went to poke at a gorilla mascot at City Link and got a fright when it danced (machine mascot). Hahahah damn funny.  We then popped by to see some rabbits & guinea pigs at PLC. We took the narrow escalator up at Raffles City and he told me to stand same step as him so that I can hold him n got more space.

We boarded the train, and he got on an empty seat. I was tired and told him to get off but told him he can sit on my lap again. And he was like, it’s okay, I will stand next to didi.

Really. This kid…amazed me. I told Donald..if he keeps up this behaviour, everyday I also blanjah (treat) him to Colony lah. Would have asked him if he want to have dinner there too! Hahahah

I really need this as a reminder. I was telling hubby, Ollie is really a great kid. We rarely have tantrums. And I think we have it good..to the extent we forget he is a 4yo when he has a tantrum.

We are sorta spoilt by him cos he understands reasoning really well. His logic and comprehension is fantastic. But empathy of cos is a different story. That we are working on it slowly. But it is so easy to reason with him during his meltdowns. It just needs a lot of time. And that we remain calm

He tells hubby stuff like ‘be careful when you go to work!’ at the door.

He tells me ‘oh be careful mummy, there is a step’

He tells Quentin ‘didi, stop!! Later fall down and you cry how?’ Or ‘where painful? Let me see!’

When asked if he will help to take care of Sarah, ‘yes! I will pat her and change her diaper. But only wee wee diaper ok? I don’t want to change pang sai diaper ‘ hahahah

I wing it a lot as a mom. What I can prepare in diaper bag to cope, I will. Everything else is up in the air. I try not to think that meltdowns will happen. So far we’re good. Our outings are really good. I set the expectations when we go out so Ollie knows what is going to happen. That helps him anticipate. Anything else is usually a bonus.

But so so proud of the kid. I do worry I am pushing him too far as an elder brother but he is stepping up himself. Holding QT’s hands, hugging & kissing him willingly. Wanting to wash his cup & bowl.

He wakes up, sets the table for QT & himself and then makes himself breakfast (pouring cereal into his bowl and eating it). He now makes his bed, diligently put his laundry in the basket, getting into the habit of putting things away. Occasionally offers to swiff & mop the floor. Pours water into cups for both QT n himself before asking QT to come drink. Helps to buckle QT into the stroller. Do crazy shit like clean windows hahahah

I think I have it really good liao.

No need to worry about him academically. He is self-driven and has a thirst for knowledge. His memory amazes me. Hahah to the extent my mom and I will ask him for some details that we cannot remember. It’s fascinating to see him processing information. Just earlier..my mom and I couldn’t remember what was under my sis’ desk so we asked him. He stared into space n thought about it before responding ‘no shelf under e-e’s table, just chair only’. Like you know, it’s info he doesn’t need to know

But if someone else need info like this, he has an answer??? Like my aunt’s block number, he knows. We go there every fortnightly and well..he doesn’t need to know the block number but he knows.

We talked about getting lost. He knows the drill about getting separated from us in lift (ie he is in lift but we are outside). Told him what to do for train situations cos we were at train station.

Then he asked me…if take taxi leh? ? i laughed n said ‘no lah..won’t happen‘ but then i thought better tell him what to do anyways! I never thought about it! Then he asked next…then bus leh?? ? Why your thought process so far one huh???

Okay..going on and on about him..has officially made me feel like wah piangs i got it damn good so please dun complain about him ever again! Hahahah yar i will not take things for granted again man.

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four is the new threenager

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Oliver is about 4.5 years old. 90% of the time, he is a pretty much pleasant kid, listens to most instructions, is getting in touch with his emotions and trying to empathise. We do get the usual ‘i-don’t-want-to-do-this’ moments, but they are manageable. We also do get some mini tantrums but they are manageable.

Recently, we’ve had some tantrums, and they have gotten a little more intense. How intense can a tantrum be?

‘I want to chop mummy and daddy into little pieces’

I want mummy to drown and die’ 

Pretty much this gruesome intense. I really had to think hard as to where he would have picked it up from. The last time we had a conversation about him wanting to chop the dentist, he could go into detail about how he would actually go about it.

Good grief. Am I raising a psychopath to be? Or I could be positive and think he will be a pathologist one day? *sigh*

Ollie tantrum 1

But yes, it was this intense. I was sorta affected by it. What was going through my little boy’s mind to come up with things like that. The last tantrum occurred just 1.5 weeks ago. And he was going on and on and on, that I snapped and slapped him. I’m not proud of it. In fact, I regretted it when I saw the mark on his cheek and when he cried in pain. We were working on the no yelling, no shouting, no smacking. And he knows about it. We had discussed it before. But I snapped. Obviously that session took almost 3 hours before we reconciled and made up. I apologised for slapping him and he apologised to both Donald and I for his behaviour.

Fast forwards to Saturday morning. When Donald was driving us to Marine Cove, anticipating the look of excitement on Oliver’s face and having breakfast with the boys, only to have Ollie go into meltdown because we were heading to another McDonald’s outlet.

Say whuuuuut. Come on, it’s McDonald’s! Doesn’t matter which outlet, IT IS McDonald’s. And there’s a HUGE playground there! How could you not want to go??

I told Donald to take QT and his mom to McDonald’s first whilst I dealt with him. There were a lot of tears, a lot of wanting to damage things in the car (he took a pen and drew on the door, started changing settings in the car), a lot of wanting family members to fall sick, get killed or drowned, a lot of jumping in the car. At each statement, I would reason with him. Explained the consequences of wanting things to happen. Asking why he wanted the people who love him to be hurt. Explained that he could not always get his way. Explained that sometimes there was to be an exchange. At no point was there any yelling, or shouting. Just calm talking.

He was on a tirade. I stopped the conversation when he said he wanted ‘mummy to drown & die’. Sure, if that’s what you want, that’s what you will get. I left him to his tirade, leaned back on the car seat and closed my eyes.

He went about doing his thing in the car. Climbing over seats, jumping, trying to open the car door (thank goodness for child-lock), tried to pry my fingers open to get the car key, tried to walk his fingers on me, played with a pull toy, before finally burying his face on my lap.

Ollie tantrum 2

I opened my eyes, shifted and he stood up.

‘Would you like a hug?’ I asked. He nodded forlornly. I put him on my lap and held him. He started tearing and sniffling a little. I explained to him why his father wanted to take him to Marine Cove for breakfast, and what was in stored for him after breakfast. I told him how his father obliged him when he requested to bring his scooter along.

‘Do you feel better now? Are you ready to go for breakfast and then scoot?’ He nodded again.

He was super cooperative post tantrum, whilst walking along side with me. Told him how he had to scoot straight so he doesn’t crash into the other pedestrians. He was focused in getting to McD’s and looking out for the rest of the family.

It’s not easy. I don’t know how things work in his mind. But this non-yelling approach seems to be the best way for us. Gives him time to work out his emotions and gives me time to keep my emotions in check. It is tiring but the moments seem to be shorter.

Oliver smile

Aii..my little one. You’re growing up too fast but I’m glad to be part of that journey, watching you become a boy. Love you to Jupiter & back. =)

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