Day 173-2019: half year

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the tings circa June’19

‘the year is almost over!’ daddy Ting exclaims when we were talking about how a friend was lamenting half of the days off he had taken was over.

just another week to the end of the school hols. and it would be July. Indeed, the year is almost over. Just blink and it would be the end of the year already. As it is, Alex is already 7 months old.

Half a year in, we are learning. Learning more about our kids each day. As they surprise us.

My children, I hope you know that your parents are not mind readers. As you work a way to sort out your emotions, your parents are learning to handle yours. Remain open. There are no secrets in this household and we try not to judge when we can.

It has been a tiring June holidays. I made plans in mid-May, with places to go with the kids. Places that would not cost us a lot in terms of entrance fees. The meals do cost us a bit sometimes, but towards the end, we brought out more packed food from home so that we don’t have to buy more outside. It has worked out well. You, my children, did not complain and I am thankful for that.

I tried my best to take you guys out as much as possible. Same places, new experiences, and hopefully also new places. Chores were cast aside whilst we went out to have fun. Mondays and Fridays were catch up on chores days; you complained and groaned and moaned, but you did it when I nagged and complained.

By the third week, I was so done with outings. I didn’t want to go for family gatherings anymore. I was tired. All the yelling, quarrelling & fighting between the kids were getting to me. I longed for peace and quiet. I had started to block out a lot of stuff from the kids and anyone. It was just too much. Some days, I still just pushed myself ahead, but it was enough. I constantly felt I was running out of time. Out of time to bring the kids out; out of time to maintain a household (laundry laundry laundry); out of time to teach the kids (not all just about play); out of time to work; out of time..for myself.

Then one of the days, my husband unintentionally guilt tripped me. And I exploded at him. I was already feeling that I wasn’t doing enough despite the amount of things I had on my plate (I know..go figure). To have him say that I should stop looking at my phone and focus on my kid..despite spending the day at the bird park and only then getting a chance to reply to a query. Wah, not cool.

Fortunately, next week, I’d be getting one or two days to myself and allow myself to regroup and prep for another new school term for the kids. Regroup to sort out some finances, some meals for next week, and pondering about life.

tonight, I told Oliver that we say things we don’t necessarily mean when we are angry, and that I do that too, when I got angry with Donald. That it was normal but when we calmed down, we would apologise to each other and make up. I wondered if he understood and took it to heart.

today, I spotted a little gap in Alex’s lower gum. She was finally sprouting a tooth. And she has started caterpillar crawling on her mat and all over the floor. Hahaha. I told Donald, quite cute to have a baby in the house, watching her toothy grin and laugh as we play with her. Just..nice to have someone to baby and not talk back hahaha.

last night, we understood Quentin a little more when he cried in Donald’s arms, feeling wronged that his father scolded him at bedtime. He is really an awesome big brother to his sisters and even to his elder brother. Naggy, but big hearted. I need to understand him a lot more. It’s a matter of reframing, isn’t it?

ah..Sarah, my Sarah. the one who imitates me. It is hilarious as she tells her brothers off with a stern look on her face, before breaking out into a smile. It is so amazing to watch her analyse a situation, then break out into the little girl cries for help, wanting to be babied. I watch her cling to her father, face buried into the nape of his neck.

I am afraid I don’t have time to provide the best that I want for you. A clean home, experiences outside of home, teaching you what I know, loving you all and bringing you laughter. Instead, sometimes I find that I am bogged down by so many things. Would it matter to you now? Probably not, but hopefully next time it would. Yes, a clean floor may not be important, but you cannot be sloppy. Folding clothes is not a skill you need to have now, but you need to be independent in the future and not depend on me. Would it build character and independence? Probably.

But as long you know that I love you. That’s enough.

Category: Daily
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