Day 193: mental loading, sleep regression

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3 more days and Alex turns 8 months old. She has sprouted a tooth (lower left), belly crawls and she can go from prone to sitting position. My dad caught her in action yesterday for the first time, and then I saw it.

And you know that feeling as you watch your baby does something like this, that amazement as you wonder how they worked it all out so quickly.

Then bam, they are in university. hahahaha. I kid. I wish *roll eyes*

The past two weeks, Alex and I had been sleeping terribly. She would wake up at the slightest noise, co-sleeping wasn’t even helping and she would cry almost every 2 hourly. And then she would wake up around 4-5am, and decide to be semi-awake, drifting in and out between catnaps. What happened to my star sleeper?? I was so zombified each morning cos I was half-awake the whole night trying to put her back to sleep, and trying to keep her from falling off the bed.

We’d take a long nap after dropping Quentin & Sarah off at school. Which meant lunch wasn’t cooked, chores weren’t done. Wednesday was the last straw, she took a 5 min power nap and decided that was it. I was getting stressed from watching the laundry bin pile higher and higher and that stress didn’t help with my lack of sleep. Urgh. When she finally slept, I took a short nap too and then felt guilty about having to buy lunch later cos I had to remain next to Alex just so she would nap.

Cue guilt cycle. A very vicious guilt cycle. Until hubby told me it is okay to do a few lunch takeouts, the kids are old enough. I struggled with it abit (cos I’m particular about nutrition esp on school days) before I caved. Not chicken rice or Macs everyday…okay lah. I should let go a little.

Then got one Alex who is still on store bought purees cos this momma cannot keep up with the cooking much. 8 mths liao wor! Double argh. i shall try harder.

7.5 mths into the year and I am still struggling a little to find a groove to settle into. Pretty hard when everything is pretty dynamic with a baby who is hitting milestones and throwing off any routine every few months. I struggle between wanting to move on and yet, wanting to savour the every bit of babyness left cos she is the last baby. How she snuggles, how she reaches out for me, how she breaks into a smile when she sees me, how she stops crying immediately once she is in my arms.

ah my babies, what do you do to me?

It’s gotten to a stage, where dinner time can be funny, as the boys crack silly jokes, Sarah tries to join in, Alex just happily bounces in her high chair, watching her siblings.

I am content, I am happy. I try to manage things better, but I am happy. I spend mornings like this trying to reflect and regroup, and hopefully pick myself out of a funk. Sometimes, a good night’s sleep (hahaha who am I kidding, okay maybe 5 hours stretch is considered a good night), is all I need to kick start. That and..ahem, mebbe a cup of fruit tea from Tea Folia. Hubby would say expensive perk me up siah.

Finances also another issue. Haisssss. Trying to understand more about my retirement funds. Let me get my head around it one day.

Till then, it’s off to the ArtScience Museum later today! So excited to be out with the kids!

Category: Daily
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