how we roll in the mornings
being pregnant with the 3rd kid meant, it was harder to get into the ‘me’ mode. it was harder to write. especially when it was going to be all about the kids. the proposal entry last month made me go through all my entries back in 2009, and I am thankful that I had an opportunity to do so (thanks to TheChillMom for organising it!)
It reminded me of the life I had.
I was pretty down in the dumps last month. Not depressed but maybe burnt out from handling the kids. It was probably the hormones at play but it wasn’t cool. I was just emotionally and physically tired. Life felt mundane and even tho Ollie was bugging me for activities, I couldn’t gather the mental energy to come up with something for him. Then I would feel guilty about not spending quality time with Ollie, and more so QT. That would build upon the weariness that I was already feeling. It was a vicious cycle.
I buried myself in work. It was the only thing that made me feel sorta alive. That I was connected to the world. But why sorta? Because it was still related to kids’ stuff. My work was still related to kids. Hahaha. It made me wonder a little when I would step out of this…kids‘ stuff.
But thankfully, it was also through my work that I met wonderful people, that had similar values as me and that I could, although on a superficial level, connect with. It was also through these events that I could sort out what I wanted. To slowly shave off social interactions, to take time to indulge in myself, to rest emotionally. To regroup and refocus.
And that it is okay for me to take a break, even from the kids, and to enjoy. And for the hubby to interact with me as an individual a little more than as the mother of his children. To give him credit, he handled the kids a lot more during those few weeks, by sorting out their breakfast, taking over the moment he got back from work and to take them during the weekends. I really appreciated that. It was good to distance a little.
I guess I also felt a little lost…expecting a girl. I love shopping online. I could browse for ages for stuff for the kids. But after two boys, I am at a loss at how to shop for girls’ clothes. Hahaha. Super fail right? I checked out Carters’, and Gap, and Osh Kosh. The usual suspects. And I couldn’t muster the motivation to shop! Her first attire from us will be one that we bought in 2013, when we took Ollie to Houston. I bought it on a whim cos we were going to try for a second kid and would not know the gender anyways. So..buy one and keep lor.
Dim ji hai nam zai (who knew that it was going to be a boy). Couldn’t bear to chuck it so we kept it anyways cos I thought it was a damn cute dungaree.
Mana eh zai teh sah eh si za bor kia. (who knew the 3rd kid would be a girl). So there you go, Sarah’s first outfit. Sarah’s second outfit from me is..a $2 dress from a charity sale. Hahah. Sorry ah, your brothers got ALOT of clothes..so you wear theirs first okay?
See..go one big round and end up talking about the kids again. But all’s good. I’m better at dealing with it. And now the June hols are here to nip me in the butt. Argh..first week has gone by. Another 3 weeks to go. Kids are on holidays but this mommy won’t be! I’m not as hardworking as the other mummies out there to source out the various attractions for kids. I know the attractions exist but the thought of handling 2 boys whilst being pregnant…is seriously putting me off.
But…must persist and try to bring them out. Else I’ll guilt trip myself to death. Bah.
I reckon I need to have a schedule and try to muster some interest in my day to day stuff. Get back to meal planning, whip up more palatable looking food (which I used to do!), think up of more activities for Ollie and QT separately, focus on work properly and then start worrying about Sarah in the 3rd tri!